Late last month, my father passed away which is why I haven't really spent any time on my personal blog. I really needed to gather my thoughts over my loss and go through the stages of grief. I knew eventually I would blog about it. And then one of my favorite tattoo artists I had gotten some work done by her last year recently and unexpectedly passed away shortly after my father passed away. I really didn't know her personally but I do have a part of her on my body. Still her loss has affected me but in a different away from when my father died. Earlier this year, someone in my condo had jumped to his death from the twelfth floor. I saw his lifeless body in the courtyard when I got home from work. I have seen death too much this year. It goes without saying that I am so over 2017.
As I mentioned before, I wanted to blog about my experiences with death but I didn't know when was the right time to write about it until I saw an article on the New York Times called
You're Sorry for Someone 's Loss. But How Do You Say It? . I think this article is really informative. I definitely recommend reading it.
I found out my father passed away on July 27, two days after my parents' 50th wedding anniversary celebration. I was about to leave for work when I turned on my phone and got both a text and voice mail to contact my mom. The evening before, my mom went out to go do some grocery shopping. My dad was in his chair resting. When she got home, she could not wake him up. His health had been deteriorating for many years, and this year had been gotten worse. I am relieved he passed away at home and in his sleep. Earlier in July, I was out to dinner with my folks at a local Greek restaurant. I was observing my dad with his magnifying glass and struggling to read the menu. He was really frail. He no longer relied on his walker but on a wheelchair instead which says a lot about his health. I couldn't help but observe and wonder just how much time he would have before leaving this mortal coil. A few weeks later, my question was answered.
I won't lie, my father's death hit me like a freight train. I felt like I was kicked and punched in the stomach several dozen times. I was insane to go to work the morning I found out about my father's death but I went anyways and got through the day. Looking back, I should have stayed home that day however hindsight is 20/20.
Anyhoo...being a social media fanatic, I posted that my father had passed away which leads me back to that link I posted at the beginning of my blog entry. I am only speaking from my personal experience, I find comments like "I am so sorry for your loss" or "My condolences" to be very comforting. Sure they may not sound original but short and direct statements like these are far more appreciated. I personally do NOT like statements such as "You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers". That to me reads like the person plagerized a bloody sympathy card from Hallmark. As someone who is NOT remotely religious, I especially could live without the prayer part. Of course I got a few people post that on my FB page. What was worse when one of my now former FB friends copy and pasted the same damn message into a text. UGH! I had a negative reaction to that crap. I found that copy and paste job to be thoughtless, lazy, insincere, and insulting to my intelligence. All I can really say is tread carefully when trying to offer your sympathy to someone who lost a loved one. Do not compare the loss to a loss of a pet or make it about you. Do offer a memory. I have a FB friend who personally knew the tattoo artist who suddenly passed away. I told her I was sorry for her loss and said that my session with the artist was my favorite experience. If you knew the deceased, offer a memory of the person but do NOT make it about you.
You know the old adage "the road to hell is paved by good intentions"? I am now a firm believer in that statement. I had one friend who just kept hounding me over and over via text on what she could do for me? I kept saying "thanks but no thanks" as politely as I could but that went in one ear and out the other. Ignoring the grieving party's feelings is not helpful. The intentions is well meaning however being pushy and ignoring the person's feelings will just drive him or her away from you. Just tell the person that you are there for the person if they need a shoulder to cry on or to talk to. There are a few people I talk to but for the most part I feel better when I talk to my mother as well as spending time with her. Listen to what the bereaved has to say and to give the person space.
The memorial service was beautiful. My uncle (my dad's brother) and my dad's best friend spoke. The reception was interesting to say the very least. An introvert's worst nightmare for sure. There were many people from various time periods of my father's life. I survived the entire event. I didn't have a meltdown or felt the need to go hide somewhere in the church. I will say this it was a soul sucking event though. I was completely physically and emotionally exhausted after the service and for the next few days.
For awhile, I did find it difficult to go through my daily routines whether at home or at work especially after taking a week off from work to grieve. As time has gone by since my father's passing and his memorial service, the pain has started to lessened. I still miss him as much as I did when I first heard the news he had passed away in his sleep. I just try to find ways to keep busy and amused so my grief does not overwhelm me.
I have to admit prior to my father's passing, my summer has been an absolute shit show to say the very least all because of some incidents that occurred in May and July which has left me emotionally scarred for life. The death of my father was icing on the cake. I find myself I have no patience for fake ass friends who leave me (even if on social media) or fake sympathy (i.e the idiot who copy and pasted that crap comment about me and my family being in her thoughts and prayers). Clearly death changes how people perceive the bereaved. I will say this I have learned who are my real friends. Death definitely changes a person. It certainly has for me but I also have been changed by the events that occurred this summer, and has left me embittered for a very long time.
